Wow! Can u believe it! A whole year??! Awhile back my momma wrote in my blog and titled it 'The Mommas Perspective', and it was my daddy who started the whole thing, so I ;) decided it'd only be fair if I got to put some stuff in here (and probably the final...we're pretty boring now days YAHOOO!!) from MY, 'Trev Spencer Webbs Perspective' (corney, yes my mom knows but thought it'd be cute anyway)...here I go. Ahh what do you know my mom immediatly burst into tears at just the thought of trying to sum up the last year of my life. I changed my families whole life. Changed it in ways that can't even be put into words. Certainly not that could be summed up in any ol' blog...But I'm going to try...I should not be here, wait I absolutely should! What I mean is, the way my life played out in the beginning (refer back to 'the mommas perspective' and some of my daddys entries way back) is unreal. The series of events that lead to me being born, the doctors and nurses who saw and treated me and/or my mom, the intuition, the prayers, the fasts, etc. etc. had they been any different in ANY way, whatsoever, I would not be here. To go into great detail would require writting a book, not a huge book perhaps, but a book nonetheless, something my mom is considering though... Most importantly the things I have taught people, especially my momma, are priceless beyond words. I hope I don't sound too conceded (: ...it's just that If you knew the things I knew (my mom doesn't even know entirely, she just has a strong belief I know things I can never explain in this life and I'll forget as I learn to talk) you'd understand why I went through what I did. What my mom does understand is things happened to my family, both immediate and extended that would not have happened had I not been born the way I was. Amazing things! Never did my mom think she'd be grateful for the past year and although (she says this all the time) she would not repeat the last year of her life (2 years actually) she would not change it for ANYTHING either! I should back up and let you all know I am as heathly as can be! I was supposed to see Dr. Yaish (my Primary Childrens dr. who treated my blood issues) until I was at least 2 and up to 4-5...well last time I went, was just after my 1st birthday and guess what he said??? "I don't need to see this little boy anymore"! Of course Momma cried and hugged Dr. Yaish! She was torn between shock, happiness, saddness, guilt but mostly gratitude beyond words! And then there's the neonatal follow up program for preemies, I go to every few months. Well when I went in May there was some concern with my eyes....But when I went in this last time (end of Sept.) my eyes were perfect! My hearing? Perfect! I even 'tested' ahead of schedule for my adjusted age!! A psychiatric dr. (there are ALL sorts of specialty Drs. at neonatal follow up check ups, it's pretty amazing, who monitor preemies head to toe, literally) anyway he, as well as some of the other drs I saw said, "this little boy isn't going to need neonatal follow up much longer!" They don't even want to see me back until next May!! Unbelievable considering what could have been, and especially considering what my Drs. originally thought I'd need to 'catch up' or the problems I'd have. There is still the possibility I may have asthma issues, only time can tell that, and I am pretty skinny (so were/are my brother and sister though, no cute chubby babies around the Webbs, only wiry, long, skinny babies around here:) Even my E.I. (early intervention) therapist who comes to my home once a month is going to try and 'test me out' of E.I. in January! It was orginally thought I'd need E.I. until I was at least 2 or more! Amazing, believe me, my family is soooo grateful and feel blessed beyond words! Yet one of the things I mentioned my mom experiences at times, especially when I am told I am doing so well, is guilt. The things we have seen now with some of my NICU buddies who don't fair as well as I am, if ever, cause my momma guilt. The level of empathy I taught my mom is only realized, and on a level, that is only understood if you've gone thought something similar. My momma and daddy are drawn to people now more than ever, who are going through similar experiences and want to help those people in anyway they can! Like I said they are even going to drop everything we thought we'd be doing over the next few years and go to school full time (well daddys going full time, momma needs/WANTS to take care of me and my sibs full time and school part time:) and learn how to help little guys like me!! Yep, I inspired that! My Daddy NEVER thought he's be going back to school full time, especially with a wife and three kids, and into something he'd NEVER even considered before me! Cool huh! Scary yes, my dad is excited and scared to death how he's going to do it, but things have a way of working out, and I know that firsthand(: ... I mentioned at times my mom feels guilty, well she knows she shouldn't feel guily, but it's one of those unanswerable questions, why things happen the way they do?? Actually we do know the answers a little, but as a whole, why I'm good to go already and some of my NICU buddies aren't (if ever) we don't know...and cause not only gratitude, joy etc. etc. but guilt at times...That being said I need to let everyone know who ever prayed for me, not only thank you INFINITY! But please now gear those prayers to my little friends who are either still in the NICU, ever will be in the NICU, or who come out and don't fair so well, healthwise, if ever. As hard as what I went through was, it's a walk in the park compared to some of my little NICU friends. Whenever my mom starts to forget and thinks everyday things are 'hard' or 'stressful' she thinks of me, hooked up to a bunch of machines, or all those little babies who are still there with problems FAR beyond most peoples understanding. Visiting IMCs NICU (any NICU) for months or regularly going to Primary Childrens has a way of changing your life, that isn't understandable until you do it. In some ways my mom has to remind herself not to be judgemental now of those who don't fully understand. My mom and dad were once 'one of those' parents who thought a couple vaccinations (or sleepless newborn nights) were a big deal (and they can be (: ...my momma remembers with my bro and sis:) BUT now having gone through with me what they did, it's hard not to want to punch people who complain about 'normal' newborn/pregnancy issues. Yet what my momma does instead of punch 'unrealizing' (ok ignorant) people she smiles and is soooo thankful that she, maybe not loves me more than another mother loves their baby, but definitely has a love for me in a way that isn't possible to have unless you've gone through the NICU and/or special need baby circumstance. Along with the new level of love for me, my parents have a whole new love, respect and gratitude that also cannot be measured, for medical technology and the AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, BRILLIANT, people who dedicate their lives to helping others!! And even more so than that is the love and faith my parents have, now more than EVER, for The MAN Upstairs and His Son and Spirit. Without Them there would be nothing...Ok so it's 5 AM and my momma has to get up at 7:00 to get my sissy ready for kindergarden (you should have seen my momma cry about that! She was excited for her baby girl but Momma bawled like one too when Sissy got on that bus! Luckily Sis LOVES school and we couldn't be more proud of her!) Momma also has to take Drake to Little Gym tomorrow (he has pre-school on Tue. and Thur. it's awesome, although a tear jerker for momma at first too, but awesome cause just me and mama get to hang out for awhile those couple days a week:) PLUS Momma has to go to Sisters school tomorrow and volunteer, and most of all I AM A HANDFUL NOW! So a bit of sleep is probably a good idea first...I don't hold still for a second! I am into EVERYTHING!! Me and my brother and sister keep my Momma hopping all day! And while only a couple hours of sleep is going to be a bit rough for my Momma tomorrow, her babies (and that amazing daddy of ours) she wouldn't trade for ANYTHING!!!!!
Wow! Can u believe it! A whole year??! Awhile back my momma wrote in my blog and titled it 'The Mommas Perspective', and it was my daddy who started the whole thing, so I ;) decided it'd only be fair if I got to put some stuff in here (and probably the final...we're pretty boring now days YAHOOO!!) from MY, 'Trev Spencer Webbs Perspective' (corney, yes my mom knows but thought it'd be cute anyway)...here I go. Ahh what do you know my mom immediatly burst into tears at just the thought of trying to sum up the last year of my life. I changed my families whole life. Changed it in ways that can't even be put into words. Certainly not that could be summed up in any ol' blog...But I'm going to try...I should not be here, wait I absolutely should! What I mean is, the way my life played out in the beginning (refer back to 'the mommas perspective' and some of my daddys entries way back) is unreal. The series of events that lead to me being born, the doctors and nurses who saw and treated me and/or my mom, the intuition, the prayers, the fasts, etc. etc. had they been any different in ANY way, whatsoever, I would not be here. To go into great detail would require writting a book, not a huge book perhaps, but a book nonetheless, something my mom is considering though... Most importantly the things I have taught people, especially my momma, are priceless beyond words. I hope I don't sound too conceded (: ...it's just that If you knew the things I knew (my mom doesn't even know entirely, she just has a strong belief I know things I can never explain in this life and I'll forget as I learn to talk) you'd understand why I went through what I did. What my mom does understand is things happened to my family, both immediate and extended that would not have happened had I not been born the way I was. Amazing things! Never did my mom think she'd be grateful for the past year and although (she says this all the time) she would not repeat the last year of her life (2 years actually) she would not change it for ANYTHING either! I should back up and let you all know I am as heathly as can be! I was supposed to see Dr. Yaish (my Primary Childrens dr. who treated my blood issues) until I was at least 2 and up to 4-5...well last time I went, was just after my 1st birthday and guess what he said??? "I don't need to see this little boy anymore"! Of course Momma cried and hugged Dr. Yaish! She was torn between shock, happiness, saddness, guilt but mostly gratitude beyond words! And then there's the neonatal follow up program for preemies, I go to every few months. Well when I went in May there was some concern with my eyes....But when I went in this last time (end of Sept.) my eyes were perfect! My hearing? Perfect! I even 'tested' ahead of schedule for my adjusted age!! A psychiatric dr. (there are ALL sorts of specialty Drs. at neonatal follow up check ups, it's pretty amazing, who monitor preemies head to toe, literally) anyway he, as well as some of the other drs I saw said, "this little boy isn't going to need neonatal follow up much longer!" They don't even want to see me back until next May!! Unbelievable considering what could have been, and especially considering what my Drs. originally thought I'd need to 'catch up' or the problems I'd have. There is still the possibility I may have asthma issues, only time can tell that, and I am pretty skinny (so were/are my brother and sister though, no cute chubby babies around the Webbs, only wiry, long, skinny babies around here:) Even my E.I. (early intervention) therapist who comes to my home once a month is going to try and 'test me out' of E.I. in January! It was orginally thought I'd need E.I. until I was at least 2 or more! Amazing, believe me, my family is soooo grateful and feel blessed beyond words! Yet one of the things I mentioned my mom experiences at times, especially when I am told I am doing so well, is guilt. The things we have seen now with some of my NICU buddies who don't fair as well as I am, if ever, cause my momma guilt. The level of empathy I taught my mom is only realized, and on a level, that is only understood if you've gone thought something similar. My momma and daddy are drawn to people now more than ever, who are going through similar experiences and want to help those people in anyway they can! Like I said they are even going to drop everything we thought we'd be doing over the next few years and go to school full time (well daddys going full time, momma needs/WANTS to take care of me and my sibs full time and school part time:) and learn how to help little guys like me!! Yep, I inspired that! My Daddy NEVER thought he's be going back to school full time, especially with a wife and three kids, and into something he'd NEVER even considered before me! Cool huh! Scary yes, my dad is excited and scared to death how he's going to do it, but things have a way of working out, and I know that firsthand(: ... I mentioned at times my mom feels guilty, well she knows she shouldn't feel guily, but it's one of those unanswerable questions, why things happen the way they do?? Actually we do know the answers a little, but as a whole, why I'm good to go already and some of my NICU buddies aren't (if ever) we don't know...and cause not only gratitude, joy etc. etc. but guilt at times...That being said I need to let everyone know who ever prayed for me, not only thank you INFINITY! But please now gear those prayers to my little friends who are either still in the NICU, ever will be in the NICU, or who come out and don't fair so well, healthwise, if ever. As hard as what I went through was, it's a walk in the park compared to some of my little NICU friends. Whenever my mom starts to forget and thinks everyday things are 'hard' or 'stressful' she thinks of me, hooked up to a bunch of machines, or all those little babies who are still there with problems FAR beyond most peoples understanding. Visiting IMCs NICU (any NICU) for months or regularly going to Primary Childrens has a way of changing your life, that isn't understandable until you do it. In some ways my mom has to remind herself not to be judgemental now of those who don't fully understand. My mom and dad were once 'one of those' parents who thought a couple vaccinations (or sleepless newborn nights) were a big deal (and they can be (: ...my momma remembers with my bro and sis:) BUT now having gone through with me what they did, it's hard not to want to punch people who complain about 'normal' newborn/pregnancy issues. Yet what my momma does instead of punch 'unrealizing' (ok ignorant) people she smiles and is soooo thankful that she, maybe not loves me more than another mother loves their baby, but definitely has a love for me in a way that isn't possible to have unless you've gone through the NICU and/or special need baby circumstance. Along with the new level of love for me, my parents have a whole new love, respect and gratitude that also cannot be measured, for medical technology and the AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, BRILLIANT, people who dedicate their lives to helping others!! And even more so than that is the love and faith my parents have, now more than EVER, for The MAN Upstairs and His Son and Spirit. Without Them there would be nothing...Ok so it's 5 AM and my momma has to get up at 7:00 to get my sissy ready for kindergarden (you should have seen my momma cry about that! She was excited for her baby girl but Momma bawled like one too when Sissy got on that bus! Luckily Sis LOVES school and we couldn't be more proud of her!) Momma also has to take Drake to Little Gym tomorrow (he has pre-school on Tue. and Thur. it's awesome, although a tear jerker for momma at first too, but awesome cause just me and mama get to hang out for awhile those couple days a week:) PLUS Momma has to go to Sisters school tomorrow and volunteer, and most of all I AM A HANDFUL NOW! So a bit of sleep is probably a good idea first...I don't hold still for a second! I am into EVERYTHING!! Me and my brother and sister keep my Momma hopping all day! And while only a couple hours of sleep is going to be a bit rough for my Momma tomorrow, her babies (and that amazing daddy of ours) she wouldn't trade for ANYTHING!!!!!
Wow! What a miracle that Trev is doing so well! You guys must be living right. It's amazing what we have to go through so that we can learn what we need to learn in this life. I am happy so happy for you guys!
ReplyDeleteTrev- you're amazing! I'm so happy for you, but jelous too :) I've only met you once but I love you and your family so much! You are a very lucky boy to be so healthy and although you're NICU buddy, Owen, still has quite a few struggles, his Mama realizes that there are also lots worse than him and is greatful just like you're Mama.
ReplyDeleteNothing like volunteering at the NICU to remind you how far you guys have come. Watching a mom loose her preemie gives a whole new perspective to dealing with 2x weekly therapy appointments and delays.
LOVE YOU GUYS! Thank you so much for keeping this blog!
Thanks guys so much! Tanah I feel the same about you and your family especially that handsome little Owen! A 23 weeker! Holy Cow!!! I'll never get over that... Michelle thanks so much for your friendship! YOU could defiantly write a story about your situation, WOW! Both you and Jenna are miracles!
ReplyDeleteJanell,
ReplyDeleteOh I loved reading this post so much, and kept reading, and kept reading, and kept reading. I shed tears as I looked at all of your pictures and can see how far Trev has come. He is such a happy, beautiful little guy. Wow, your whole family is. So adorable. I'm so happy for you, for the trip you took in September, and that therapies and check-ups are slimming out a bit. Oh if there is ever one thing I could tell you it is to please don't feel guilty. I don't think any other parent would ever want you to. I can honestly say I have always been SO happy and excited for every other baby that has gotten to go home. Home is where all kids should be. I know it's so hard to see people in there and not doing well (I can relate to this right now as we are so fortunate and about to bring Paxton home), but ALL FLESH IS IN GOD'S HANDS. We don't know why things are His will, but knowing that they are His will is so much to trust in. It is for every child and every family. I know someday we may not go through the peachiest experience (I can't talk about that word yet), but even then, I know already that I will have a peace beyond description, that that was what was best for little Paxton. With that said, I know how you ache for others to be able to go home. You are a very kind person and none of us want to see anyone we know struggling. I think your other NICU buddies are happy for you. Maybe this is going in circles, because I know it is hard, and I have felt it a bit, too, I just want to tell you not to!! We love you guys and i am SOOO happy to see sweet Trev and all he is doing. So great, in his 12 mo. clothes. I love it! Best wishes through the holidays!!
Thanks so much Shannon that means a whole lot to say the least!!
ReplyDelete